Swallow on the Wing Part Two Devin trod silently across the compound. The sun was well up now, blazing in the sky, promising another scorcher, another day without rain. The dusty savannah rippled as far as the eye could see with shimmering heat waves. Devin wondered why it appealed to him so much. At first he’d hated the place. The persistent flies had got him down, and at night there had been the mosquitoes. It was only thanks to Laura helping to make the mesh canopy around his and Beth’s bed that helped either of them get any sleep at night, against the high pitched beat of the mosquitoes little wings, homing in on their flesh. And he had learned to live with the flies. And everything had to be covered. The flies could get inside the smallest of gaps. Same too with the mosquitoes. Thanks be to Laura, who had noticed that the baby’s cot wasn’t covered underneath. He too, like Beth wouldn’t have thought of that. Thinking about his child, he wondered whom it would look like. Himself with his brown eyes and dark handsome looks, or Beth with her beautiful blonde hair and fair skin, and the bluest eyes he had ever seen save for Vincent’s. Devin smiled as he thought of those other compelling blue eyes, the ones he missed so much, more than any other person he knew. Resuming his thoughts, he again turned to Beth. That was the worst for her, having such fair skin with all this sunshine. At first her skin burnt terribly, huge blisters had come up, but she had learnt through error to apply masses of sun block, until gradually her skin had hardened, and now, she could manage quite well with a minimum of cream over her skin. Yet she had seldom complained, and the only time she had left the country with him, he had been more than surprised of her desire to come back. Scanning the horizon now, with a hand held to his brow against the bright sunlight, Devin could just make out a lone figure driving a jeep as swirls of dust indicated movement. Jack. He’d be out now, tracking that lioness. And she was a devil to capture. But they needed to bring her in, and neutering her was more than a possibility, simply she couldn’t afford to have anymore cubs and neither could the association. Purely donations, and measly government handouts funded the park, and it was never nearly enough. Sometimes it would be months before he’d get any wages, and sometimes he’d get none at all. For it wasn’t unusual for him to give up his hard earned cash to put towards saving the life of one of the animals, and Jack felt much the same. In their job one couldn’t let an animal suffer, not when the means was available to take away its pain, even if it did mean that he and Beth had to miss one meal a day to do it, as well as Jack and Laura. Yet Jack he knew could ill afford to spend his hard-earned cash on animal welfare, he had his own family to feed. Taking up his binoculars now, Devin watched as Jack stopped the jeep and took out his own binoculars, to scan the shrubbery. From his vantage-point, Devin could see Jack’s honey gold skin glistening with sweat, his receding grey/blonde hair thick with dust. Jack was almost part of the savannah himself, having been born there and never in all his life of sixty odd years had he been away from it. Laura he knew had come from Kenya. Brought up in a village of mixed race, and her being used to the wild country. Devin had never known a stronger woman. It was nothing for her to carry a large jug of water upon her head from the nearest well, a distance of some seven kilometres. And when the well dried up, as was often the case, he had even seen her attempt the nearest water hole some forty kilometres away, but Jack had chided her for her foolishness, walking barefoot no less, across such dangerous terrain. Laura had never attempted it since. From that day on, whenever the well dried up, Jack would take her in the jeep to the water hole. Jack and Laura had several children. Devin was used to seeing them running about the compound, and marvel at the various colours of their skin. With Laura having black skin and Jack having white, Devin had been more than amazed when they had introduced two white skinned boys with blonde hair, to him as their firstborn twins. Since then the other seven of their children, both sons and daughters were born half-caste. The twins had long ago left Mombassa to work elsewhere in the world, one choosing Britain and the other choosing France. Neither wanted to follow in their father’s footsteps, but both came home regularly every Christmas. Replacing the binoculars inside their case, Devin continued his walk across the compound. The dogs were unusually quiet. There were times when their howling would start up, the moment they heard the click of the door as he went outside each morning. Today he wondered why there wasn’t a sound coming from the shed. ‘Perhaps they’ve got fed up waiting for me today’, he told himself, smiling wryly, ‘And where had all that come from? All his past, slipping out to Beth without his being aware of it? Perhaps now was the time to tell. Perhaps he had held it within too long'? Reaching the shed, he lifted the fastener, and two very subdued dogs wandered out. This was most unusual. Peering inside the shed, Devin could just make out in the dimness through the dancing dust, the body of a large black and white collie. Bob. Tears fell swiftly down Devin’s cheeks. Bob had been his companion for so long. In many respects his shadow, and on more than one occasion had saved his life. Bending to lift the fly covered body, Devin carried Bob across the compound, the other two subdued dogs at his heels. Quietly grieving for the loss of their companion. From the window of the lodge, Beth could see her husband carrying Bob’s body, and her heart lurched in her chest. Why now? Why did it have to happen today of all days? When her husband was already so sad? Bethany opened the door and the screen, and went outside onto the veranda, just as Devin reached the steps leading up to it. There was no need of words. Standing there, with tears coursing down his cheeks, Beth’s heart went out to him. He’d loved that dog. “Fetch me an old sheet Beth will you. I can’t just lie him in the cold ground it wouldn’t be right. I’ve got to make him comfortable.” He spoke matter of factly, holding back his grief. Had he always done that, Beth wondered? Had he built up a hard exterior so that nothing could ever hurt him? Still the glistening tears spoke of his pain, though he tried hard to fight them back. Beth went back inside wordlessly, found an old sheet, one she had been reserving for the baby, but Bob needed it now, and took it back outside to hand it to Devin, who was gazing down at the dead dog with eyes filled with sorrow. Beth held out the sheet to him, and through his pain Devin recognised it, “No Beth, this is the one for the baby.” “Bob needs it more.” Beth told her husband. Devin loved her then for her kindness, and nodded, choking back a sob, unable to voice another word. “Where will you lay him honey?” Beth wanted to know. “Beneath the flower bed. It’s a place he always loved. Under the shade of the bougainvillaea. I’ll always think of him there.” Devin turned to head that way. Beth nodded, it was a fine place to lay their old friend, and she would really miss him too. He would have been a great companion for the baby, trustworthy and faithful. As Devin walked towards the flower-bed, Beth called back the two dogs that made to follow him, “Come Sam, come Ben.” They wagged their bushy tails at her, their eyes growing bright and tongues lolling. Beth bent down to fondle their ears, “I guess you two will miss your dad huh, still he taught you well, and now its time for you both to show responsibility and follow in his footsteps. Do you think you can both live up to that?” Beth was rewarded by sloppy tongues drooling saliva over her face, “Pooh go away, your breath stinks, whatever have you been eating?” she scolded them. “Come on, inside the both of you, I’ve got your breakfast waiting. And you can share what was to be your father’s breakfast today.” Holding the door open, Beth waited until the two younger dogs bounded in, before closing it again, and going across to where three dishes of meat and biscuits were laid ready, black with flies. “Sooner you than me”, she told the two collies, shooing away the cloud of flies, to place the three dishes upon the floor. “Whoever finishes first can start on Bob’s.” she told them. There wasn’t enough room in either of their own bowls for more food. Beth walked back to the stove. It was hard to tell how long Devin would be now, and his own breakfast would spoil if she left it inside for too long. Opening the stove door, she extracted the plate of lemon, sugared pancakes that Devin loved so much, and placed them on top of the stove, covering them first with the lid of a saucepan, and then with a tea-towel, tucked it firmly around the sides of the plate, before taking her own from the stove, carrying it across to the table, to sit down and eat. From her position she could still see out of the window, if she craned her neck far enough. She could see Devin digging a hole, beneath the cerise flowers of the bougainvillaea, stopping every now and then to wipe the sweat from his brow, or maybe the tears from his eyes, of this she wasn’t sure so far away. Possibly both, it was hot work, digging in such heat. Taking forkfuls of syrup covered pancake to her mouth, Beth watched Devin while she chewed, only looking down when she had to cut off a slice with the side of her fork. It was on one such moment, that when she raised her eyes again, it was to see Jack stood at Devin’s side, and Devin throw down the spade, cover the old dog with the sheet, and run across the compound with Jack at his side. Now what? The sound of the radio crackling made Beth stop chewing, listening for the familiar sounds of voices coming over the airwaves, Beth was not surprised to hear her husband calling excitedly to her. “Beth, I’ve gotta go with Jack, the lioness was seen coming this way, probably heard the cries from the cubs, I’ve not fed them yet. Stay in the house Beth, and keep the dogs inside, don’t go outside, we don’t know where the lioness is.” The radio crackled and died. Beth knew they would be calling Laura, making sure she kept the children inside, until all was well again. Beth looked down at her half finished breakfast, it no longer appealed to her. Besides, and she laughed out loud when she thought it, her eyes were bigger than her belly, if that were possible. She glanced down at her bulk, the baby had been unusually quiet this morning since she had got up, did that mean anything? At each side of her the two dogs sat, looking up eagerly, Beth ruffled their ears, “What you two finished that lot already? Want some desert huh? I don’t know where you both put it all.” Beth scraped back her chair, and reached for the plate, standing and taking the plate across to the three dog bowls on the floor, bending to pick them up, a job she had done thousands of time without any effort. Now with the baby’s head solid in the engaged position, Beth found the act quite strenuous to say the least, and straightened as quickly from scooping the three empty dishes off the floor. Putting one aside, she cut up the remainder of her pancake and put half into each of the two bowls, and flopped them down to the floor again, “There, gobble that up, those pesky flies will swarm the trash can if you don’t.” Two pairs of trusting brown eyes looked up at her eagerly for split seconds before their heads went down to bury their noses into the succulent syrup covered pancakes. Sam looked up first, his face covered in syrup, his tongue trying to lick the offending substance from off his nose and jaws. Beth laughed, “Just look at you! Oh no, Ben don’t put your foot in the bowl!” she tried to push the dog away, picturing sticky paw prints all around the lodge floor, when a pain suddenly shot down her spine and wedged itself somewhere in the small of her back. Beth screamed. For several moments the room span around her, and Beth leaned against the work surface for support. The pain subsided, and Beth managed to walk across to her favourite chair, and slide herself down into it. Her mind raced. Was this it? Was the baby coming? She was already four days late, and the birth was imminent. For the first time her predicament hit her. Alone, unable to go outside. Laura unable to come across to her. Devin and Jack out on the savannah, though close by nonetheless if the lioness was near, still they had a responsibility to the nearest village. A lioness, injured, fretful, around humans, was a danger they could do well without. The village had no such barrage of ten-foot high fencing circling it. It was vulnerable. Children could be picked off. Had been picked off. Beth shuddered. No, whatever happened, she couldn’t take Devin away from that responsibility, she would just have to cope alone if it came to it. Besides, she satisfied herself, didn’t first babies take hours? No doubt Devin would be home long before the baby arrived. Out on the savannah, Devin put the binoculars back to his eyes, “You’re certain she came this way Jack?” He asked his long time friend and colleague. “Sure. I followed her in you see. She was way out there for some time”, he indicted towards the game trail with one hand, “and then she just stopped, pricked up her ears, and loped this way, as fast as her injured leg would allow her.” “I think she heard the cubs. I haven’t fed them yet. I was burying Bob first.” “Aye, damn shame that. Good dog Bob. Could have used him today too. Though Sam is a good ‘un.” Jack looked around, “Where is he?” “Sam’s okay, a bit skittish though, he’d rather play than work. Bob was the best tracker I know. I’ll miss him.” Jack nodded, “Saved your skin often enough didn’t he? Can’t blame you for thinking about him like that. But to my mind, Sam has the makings of a good dog. Maybe now old Bob has gone, Sam will be pack leader and come into his own.” “Maybe. Hope you’re right, we sure need good dogs out here. What do ya make of Ben?” “No good. Ben’s a housedog. No good on the savannah. Funny that, two dogs, same father, same mother, separate litters.” Jack laughed, “A bit like the twins against the other children I suppose. Talk about chalk and cheese!” Devin grinned. He didn’t feel like laughing today. Already he missed Bob at his side. Of all the days to die, today he needed him. The lioness could be anywhere. “What do you think Devin, shall we get in the jeep and go outwards, or stay around the complex, any ideas?” “I have to feed the cubs no matter what, that’s the first priority. Want to help?” “Aye might as well, just in case the old girl is close if nothing else.” “I need to go up to the lodge to fetch the bottles.” “No need, I have some in the jeep. Laura washed them through a couple of days back before we caught the cubs, may as well use them. You got any formula over at the site?” “Plenty. Wish I could use some. I’m starved.” “No breakfast huh? Devin you should eat before you leave home. I’ve told you so before. Once you leave that doorstep, there is no telling when you will cross it again. Out here, anything could happen. One has to be prepared for the unpredictable, and that means not fainting with hunger, and always having a packed lunch with you, and a flask of water. Devin you know that, why do I have to remind you so often?” “I had a lot on my mind this morning.” "The baby huh?” “No, not this time. Jack, and I don’t want to talk about it?” “Are you and Beth having problems?” Jack refused to heed the warning. “No, its nothing like that.” “Something is bothering you, want to talk about it?” “Not really.” “Sometimes outsiders can see things clearer than those close to the problem. Insight and all that.” “Yeah I know, but Jack I can’t talk to anyone about this. Leave it will you. Its old news.” Jack looked at his friend for several moments, trying to guess what lay behind those brooding eyes this day. For long enough he had wondered about Devin. There was so much he didn’t know, and Devin never spoke of his past. He didn’t think even Beth knew. They reached the site where the shed was located, within the compound, in which were built the runs for cubs and injured animals alike. Stepping out from the jeep, Devin walked towards the door and stopped. A sound made him hesitate. What was that? Jack heard it too. “Sounds like crunching.” he whispered. “Behind the shed. Careful Devin.” Devin carefully unclipped the pouch in, which lay his gun, taking a round of shot from his pocket, and opening the revolver he placed the bullets inside. “I’ve got my dart gun in the jeep.” Jack was telling him, but he knew that was futile. An animal this close if it decided to attack could tear out your throat, before the dart took effect. A bullet to the head was the only way. “Do you think its her?” Devin whispered. “Has to be, but what’s she eating. Sure the cubs couldn’t have got out?” “No. I secured them well last night, but a lioness that determined could break in. But eating her own! That’s barbaric.” Devin told Jack distastefully. “She wouldn’t think of them as her own. She’d only know she was missing something, and we know she is hungry. Perhaps the cub was dead already.” Devin nodded. Silently he trod towards the sound of crunching. Rounding the corner, the sight of the golden body of the lioness lay before him, crouched flat, gnawing at something dark. It couldn’t be a cub. It was blackish. Devin moved closer, as near as he dared. What was she eating? He felt Jack behind him, providing back up with his own gun ready to fire. Devin raised his binoculars again. A thought had sprung up that would not go away. What she was eating it looked like...looked like...Devin gasped. Blind rage filled his soul as the magnified sight through the binoculars showed him the body of his beloved Bob lay before the lioness, matted blood covering his coat. Devin felt sick. His eyes filled with tears, and in a dream he lifted the gun, fired once, saw the lioness spring to her feet, fired twice, saw her swing around, heard Jack cry, “Devin, what are you doing!” fired three times as the lioness roared her pain, fired four times hitting her between the eyes as she lunged at him. Falling dead at his feet. Devin was shaking, from anger, from fear, from pain. “Why did you kill her?” Jack wanted to know, bending down beside the lifeless, twitching body of the lioness. "She never even knew we were here.” Had she of came at him first Jack could have understood, but Devin hadn’t given her a chance. Devin could only point, his hands trembled, his eyes closing from the sight that befell them, and Jack understood. “I’m through with it.” Devin flung down his gun, marching away from the scene. His heart bursting with sorrow and disgust. Jack picked up the firearm, running after Devin, reached him, and lunged out to grab his arm turning the younger distraught man round to face him. “You can’t Devin,” he told him shaking his own head, “Hell I know how you must be feeling, but you’re good at this job, don’t throw it all away for the sake of one dead dog.” “Bob was my friend!” Tears coursed down Devin’s cheeks, “Can’t you understand that.” He choked back his tears trying to speak further, “He didn’t deserve that. In life he saved my life, I owed it to him to lay him to rest someplace where he’d find peace as a reward for all he did for me, and now...” As the tears fell faster he was unable to finish. Jack felt like crying himself, “I’ll bury him for you Devin, I’ll even cut the god-dammed lioness open and put the rest of him in the hole, only don’t leave here Devin, we need you.” Devin shook his head, his whole body shaking now. He ached for the feel of Beth’s loving arms around him, or for the sight of his faithful friend’s wagging tail and bright trusting eyes. Groaning, he fell to his knees, “I can’t Jack.” he sobbed, “I just can’t.” “Look Devin, I don’t know what the problem is, but Bob is only part of it. What say you take a break. Laura, the children and I can run things for a while. You and Beth take some time out, and when the baby comes, go away for a few days, go into the city, clear your head, only please return will you Devin, I couldn’t stand to be here without you.” Devin looked up at his friend. His eyes told him he was being sincere, as he heard Jack mumble, “You’re like a son to me, even though I’m hardly old enough to be. I don’t want you to leave here Devin, not ever.” “I don’t know Jack”. Devin rose to his feet, “ I really don’t know anymore.” “You know what I think. I think you’re suffering from first time fatherhood. I was like that. It’s the fear of the unknown. Of hoping you’ll make as good a job of bringing up and caring for your child as your parents did for you. Its an awesome thought, and it can get its grip on you real bad, but you’ll see Devin, you don’t have to worry, it all slips into place, and you’ll wonder why you ever worried about it so much.” Unwittingly, Jack’s statement brought a wealth of fresh feelings to Devin. Why was everything today geared around his past? He remained silent for a long while just thinking, as Jack waited for a response. There wasn’t any more he could say, not really knowing the depth of Devin’s feelings, or what was making him behave so out of character this day. Perhaps Laura could get something out of Beth later, and then he’d know. “I’ll bury Bob.” Devin was whispering now, cutting through Jack’s thoughts. “No it’s okay Devin, I’ll do it.” “I said I’d do it!” Devin spoke sharply in response. And Jack backed away a little. “All right, you do it. But let me get the lioness away from there first.” “No, I’ll do that too. Can you feed the cubs?” Jack wondered about that before answering. He knew the bonding pattern. Whomsoever fed the cubs would become their parent. Did Devin’s intention of handing the job over to him mean Devin wasn’t going to stay after all? Devin read his thoughts, “Just for today Jack.” he told him sadly, "They will be ravenous by now, and I want to bury Bob first.” Jack nodded, relieved, without so many words Devin had made up his mind, he was staying, of that Jack could be sure, he simply would not walk out on the cubs until they were adults and able to fend for themselves, and that could be over eighteen months away. Jack sighed, at least he knew his friend would be around for another year at least, and anything could happen to make him want to stay longer in that time. *** *** *** Straightening up, Devin traced a soil-clad hand to his brow. For long moments he stood over the grave, silently voicing a tribute to his trusted friend Bob, before he found his eyes wandering across to the body of the lioness, where he’d dragged her not far now from his feet. He had begun to regret shooting her. After all he couldn’t blame her. She’d been hungry and Bob’s body was just laid there for the taking. What was she to know? Bending down he examined her carefully. The gash on her leg had become badly infected, and Devin frowned. Perhaps in retrospect he had done her a favour. The leg would have been causing her much pain, and there were no guarantees, that they would have been able to save it. And a three-legged lioness was not to be, not out here. Maybe in a zoo with specialised care, but certainly not in the wild. His eyes ran over her features. Her still open eyes, her muzzle and nose, and the fine lines that made him think with a jolt of another that had looked like her, as a hand stole to his cheek, and he rubbed the beard covering his scar. For the first time in a very long time, Devin had an overwhelming desire to be with Vincent. Why, the very sight of the lioness’s lifeless body reminded him, that Vincent too could be dead for all he knew. Suddenly saddened afresh, Devin thought of all those childhood promises he’d made his brother. “I’ll come back Vincent I promise, when I leave here, I’ll come back, and I’ll bring you tales of all the places I’ve been to.” He could hear Vincent now, “You’d do that for me. You’d come back and tell me about everything?” “Everything Vincent I promise. I love you.” Devin groaned, so many broken promises. What did Vincent think of that? Did he ever think of him? Of course he did. Who was he hoping to fool? Vincent would never forget him, for as long as he lived. Devin thought about Beth and the baby. Would they be all right on their own if he were to go to America to visit Vincent? Such bad timing. With the birth imminent, Devin knew he should wait before he could leave now, but the desire was so strong. Whatever was wrong with him? Yesterday he’d had no such desires. Today everything had happened. He felt as though his head was bursting, and he needed to escape, and fast. The vast plain beckoned. All that freedom, all those miles. From here unto infinity. Places he’d seen, places he was yet to see. Old friends, new friends. Freedom. He loved Beth, he knew that. But this morning her questions had sparked off feelings he had thought long and safely buried. Now the burning desire to go home called strongly to him. Perhaps if he just went away, didn’t say anything, Beth would worry of course, but he’d be back soon. Just as soon as he’d satisfied himself that everyone was well. But what to do, to wait until the baby was born, or to go now? Some of the things Jack had said came back to haunt him. Fatherhood. Yes he was fearful of that. It gave him responsibilities that he didn’t know if he were prepared for. But he loved Beth, and felt such pride that she carried his child. ‘His child’. The words spun around his head. A good feeling spread through him. In all his wildest dreams he had never visualised having a child of his own. He didn’t believe he could give the kind of love a child needed. He was never in one place for long enough. Meeting Beth had changed all that. Yet sometimes Devin didn’t know whether he should be thankful about that or not. Looking towards the lodge, he thought about Beth, and their child. Tried to see in his mind’s eye his child, or his children playing out in the dust around the veranda. Jack and Laura’s children never had much, but they always seemed happy. Would his child be happy? Yet what was there to do in this god-forsaken place. Even Below in the tunnels, they’d had more to do. Devin wondered about that. It was something he had never contemplated before. He frowned. Would his children prefer to live Below in the windy tunnels with all the fair sights the underground world had to offer? Or would they prefer to live on the heat scorched land, where some times it didn’t rain for years, and the earth remained barren and dusty, filled with flies, and hungry lion, mosquitoes and crocodile? A perilous country. A beautiful country. Yet which one of the two places were more perilous for children? Which was not? Suddenly it seemed awfully important that Beth should be included in their child’s choice of future habitat, yet he could not include her in the choice, because he could not tell her. For the secret was not his to tell. Not unless...not unless first he sought the permission of those that depended upon the secret’s safety. Vincent. To see Vincent again. Devin’s heart raced. To go home. Home to Vincent. Home to heal. Suddenly life’s sorrows weighed heavy upon Devin’s shoulders. Too heavy, and there was Vincent. Dear, kind, sympathetic Vincent who was a good listener and from whom words of wisdom would tumble and heal. Devin choked back a sob. He had to go. Had to go to Vincent. Simply he needed him, more than he needed anyone right now, not even Beth. Looking back towards the lodge, Devin made a few steps towards it, then turned, back tracking towards the jeep. He would only be gone a couple of days, just long enough to see everyone. Just to reassure him. If he waited, waited until the baby was born, he might never leave. Might find it impossible to do so, unless Beth came with him, and then that would mean explaining things to her, letting her in on the secret. And he couldn’t do that. For once he was thankful that his passport were kept at the association’s headquarters. It was a protection, against fire. Fire spread easily on the savannah, and legal documents, passports, birth certificates, wills etc. Were kept at the offices. Firm offices, brick built and safe. And this month’s wages would be there too. Just enough to pay for a single fare to America. He’d find someone to pay for his passage back. Maybe Peter, his old G.P and long time friend. Peter had loaned him some cash in the past, and Devin had always paid it back. Peter would help, Devin was certain of it. His mind made up, Devin got into the jeep, drove to the compound gates, got out opened them, drove through, got out closed them, and without a backward glance lest his heart hold him back again, Devin drove off towards the city. To be continued in Part Three.